Failed Experiment

Recognise my science experiment failed and move on…

I set an arbitrary deadline in my head that my habits would change when I went back to work.

I didn’t plan what would change other than my meals but not how.

I didn’t plan what would happen on the days when I was at home.

I thought I would start exercising in the morning before my son woke up, but I’m tired, that’s probably unrealistic and he has a super variable wake up time.

I didn’t even really think about what kind of exercise I would do.

My my goal was not only to vauge but I tried to change everything at once.

 

Substitute Facebook, couch and chill time after dinner for gardening or walking time.

Pack a lunch box for days I’m at home by myself.

Swap chocolate or biscuit eating for fruit.

 

Today

I don’t recognise the body I see in the mirror, I find my self not looking into the mirror because it’s easier. When I do look the body I see doesn’t feel like my own.

I see such a different picture than what I expect to see. When I get dressed each day I think I imagine what those clothes look like on me, but in my old body. Then I am constantly surprised when I look in the mirror because it’s so far from what I expect.

I could mention that I’ve given birth and breastfed but it’s not those things which have led to this. I’ve been at home for a year eating.

Im still doing all the same things, like swimming and playing but it’s all just harder and I look at my body when I do it and it doesn’t work like I want it to.

I have always worked better to a goal, a deadline and some accountability.

I said to myself the breastfeeding would lose the weight for me, then when I stopped I would clean up my diet, then when he got older and started sleeping better I would get started. Then before Christmas and family visits, before my birthday, moving to the new house, but I breezed past all of these deadlines because they were all in my head.

The most recent one is returning to work, which is such a different schedule and I’m good at work, but nothing has changed at home. Obviously. I see that now. Without a plan to change the environment or what I’m doing, why would it change?

I don’t think I can take another hit of in a couple of weeks time realising that this didn’t work either. Then ramping up to start again.

I want to feel strong, I want to walk around with my son in my swimwear and feel comfortable, I want to feel like I can do anything I want. But I think it’s that I don’t want to continually take the hit emotionally of failing over and over again. I feel I have no confidence in myself, because I keep telling myself that I’ve failed every time one of these deadline sails past and I’ve done nothing or done a little but life got in the way.

So what the hell am I going to do, to do it differently this time?

I need a longer more achieveable plan.

I need a little self compassion.

I need some wins.

I need some morals and rules for my life as an adult.

I need a lifestyle change.

This year instead of putting me last I need to make my self equal. I need to take care of me too.

I am giving my self the opportunity to turn this around, to choose a different path this year. I’m turning left off this road I’m headed down and building some habits that support me and my life. And I’m going to tell you about it.

Welcome back…

One year onwards several things to report

I have started restoring and selling beautiful chairs

the herb garden is in for spring

found the joy of yoga with an inspiring teacher 9 months ago.. this is the goal

 

started living gluten free – 3 weeks ago

 and life is good when there is flourless chocolate espresso cake in it! thank you Jo Whitton – quirky cooking!

 

So we’re really doing this?

Christmas celebrations 2012; my sister and I looked to each other and with false confidence committed that we would run the half marathon. We are now 4 weeks out from that half marathon.

Why run? I wanted to push myself much further than I have before. I wanted to run through that finish line so PROUD of what I have achieved. I also knew I needed a goal to keep me off the couch in the winter. For a change though, I had exercise goals which involved more than me as a single entity.  I had a shared goal to keep me accountable. After coming home from holidays in March I called N to figure out where to start and how to go about training. That conversation ended with “So we’re really doing this?”

We live in different states so training is individual but there are regular phone calls to discuss progress and the walls we hit. Over the past three months we’ve discussed every detail of the run; getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, eating (before, during and after) and that mental wall you hit where your brain tells you to just stop. It has been a learning curve for me.

My feelings about this run have fluctuated from Saturday mornings of joy and a massive sense of achievement to guilt ridden occasionally bored, cold mornings which dredge up memories of coming last in high school athletics.

Four weeks to go and I know I will finish that race. Training for this has taught me a couple of things…

My determination is greater than I realised, I have set my alarm early on Saturday mornings, I have run in the rain, I have pushed through sore feet and legs that I can barely lift. To think that 2 years ago I could not run 1km without stopping, it’s not my body that has transformed it’s my mind.

This has been a different challenge than what I thought it would be and I have learnt a lot. I’ll let you know how I go when I cross the finish line.

Love Caroline

Green Smoothies – As intimidating as the Hulk?

By the time a couple of people had mentioned green smoothies to me they had become intimidating. How do I know what to put in them? Will my blender cope with vegetables or do I need to invest in something fancier? Will buying enough green produce for a week of smoothies blow my budget? Let alone would I be able to get everything in need in my small town and do I have enough time in the morning to prepare them? The list goes on.

But the amazing motivators I have around me kept telling me about the benefits and how great they felt doing this every day.

So after  unloading all my ‘excuses’ onto a friend she told me about how she started with hers; the Young and Raw 30 day Green Smoothie Challenge. She spruiked; they’ll send you a shopping list for the week, they’ll send you the recipe every morning, you can get all of the ingredients easily, they are quick to make and they don’t taste like grASS!    http://secure.youngandraw.com/30daychallenge/

So I signed up (for free) and started on day 6. It starts at the beginning of each month, I missed the mark on that part, but starting the middle is better than not starting! I had a shopping list in my email account 10 minutes after signing up. The ingredients were all easy to find in my generic supermarket and it didn’t add much to my usual grocery bill. Coming home from my first shop and filling up my fridge was a sight, I have never seen it look so green, to think I was going to eat all of those vegetables.

For the first week I got up each morning and through the fog of morning brain was able to follow the recipe that magically appeared in my email account overnight. And by that I mean put various whole objects into my blender and press ON.  It was quick, it tasted good and when I was running late I could take it to work and drink it at my desk.

Let’s be honest there were a few teething problems, for starters my blender is not fancy or particularly strong. Through a process of trial and error I learned to pack it for the smoothest end result.  One and a half months on it has stood the test of 30+ days of hard blending and there is no need to replace it yet.

Most health gurus say it takes 21 days to make a habit, well I think I have hit my stride with this one. I’m making green smoothies 6 days a week; I’ve finished the Young and Raw challenge and have started to branch out. Now that I am in the habit I find I can make my shopping list for the week from a couple of recipes from the challenge and some from the absolute multitude of recipes available online. Coming into winter I am starting to look at fruit that is in season and using spices like cinnamon that make my smoothies have that warming feel.

Overall my skin is clearer, I’m hydrated, I’m full until lunch time most days, I’m thinking clearer and am more productive at work. And this one is for Mum, it has taken me 24 years but I am finally achieving my 5 plus fruit and vege a day!

So to answer my initial hesitations:

How do I know what to put in them? Start with young and raw and after that literally anything that’s fresh! Will my blender cope? Wait and see. Will it blow my budget? No. Doing the sums, it added $5-10 a week to my food bill, but he benefits are well worth it. Do I have enough time? It is literally quicker to make than my old usual breakfast. And thinking about it if I don’t have an extra 5 minutes to spend on my health, what the hell am I doing with my time?

A final word of advice in the green smoothie department, if you add blueberries to your smoothie and take it to work to drink, when your finished go to the bathroom and make sure there’s not bits stuck in your teeth! If you get that right you’ll avoid an embarrassing moment with your boss.

If you have any great smoothies recipes or websites please pass them on!

Love Caroline

Dear Reader

Dear Reader,

After reading numerous pages on writing your first blog post, one theme became apparent. If you have not written a blog before (me), then pretend you are writing a letter. So dear reader, here I am writing a letter to you, in the hope it will charm you, captivate your attention for a moment and potentially endear you.

Let me introduce myself; I am a well meaning, 20 something Australian girl looking for the best way to make an extraordinary life. I want this blog to document the small steps that are helping me become the person I want to be.

I am constantly looking for information and mentors to help me; this comes in all forms from professionals, friends, coworkers and strangers. I aim to take the wisdom they share and incorporate it into my day to day life, through this page I also want to share it with you and hear your feedback. I would love to learn from you too.

Love Caroline